MalNurturedSnay.net
Title
MalnurturedSnay.net
Description
Malnurtured Snay has returned to Towson University to finally finish his bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing (and a minor in procrastination), and expects to graduate in the spring of 2007. Malnurtured Snay is quite happy not to be taking any classes where he is older than the instructor.
Malnurtured Snay, a three-year resident of Timonium, MD, lives in an expensive two-bedroom basement level apartment featuring a lovely sink which often overflows. Although he is perpetually single, Malnurtured Snay shares hilarious misadventures with his felines, Guy and Tippy, who somehow never manage to get fed on time. When asked about the best features of living in Timonium, Malnurtured Snay, who last lived in Cockeysville, replied that he was happy to no longer be writing ‘cock’ in any way shape or form on his outgoing mail, despite his firmly held belief that gay marriage is a fundamental human right.
Malnurtured Snay is a registered member of a political party which is neither the Republican Party nor the Democratic Party. Malnurtured Snay’s political views include a diverse range of viewpoints, and he is anti-death penalty, pro-choice, pro-gun, and pro-legalized drugs (even though he has only smoked weed once).
Malnurtured Snay was raised Roman Catholic, but determined that describing himself thusly was stupid given his complete and total lack of faith. When questioned by those of a religious persuasion, Malnurtured Snay will sometimes describe himself as ‘agnostic’ in an effort to get them to shut up. When questioned by his grandmother, Malnurtured Snay is a rabidly enthusiastic Roman Catholic.
Although overweight and ugly, Malnurtured Snay is a wonderful person with an amazing personality. Malnurtured Snay spent six-months of his life building a large model of Hogwarts Castle out of Lego. After contemplating the benefits of his life upon completion of this project, Malnurtured Snay realized he was a very geeky loser (and moving it around his apartment is a pain in his back, literally).
Malnurtured Snay hates people who fail to use their turn signals and people who spell ‘loser’ with two o’s. Malnurtured Snay sometimes wishes he had a rear-firing machine gun on his car (he really really really hates tailgaters), and often suffers from accute attacks of ‘road rage.’
Although Malnurtured Snay will pretend on occasion to be a grammar snob, he has failed every grammar class he’s ever taken and has to bluff his way through conversations about the proper use of commas, apostrophies, and has absolutely no clue whatsoeffin' ever what an adjective is.
Despite this, Malnurtured Snay is a really wonderful writer, who hates writing about himself in the third person. Malnurtured Snay maintains an incredibly amazing blog — perhaps tooting his own horn to describe it as the best ever? — at Malnurtured Snay DOT Net. Malnurtured Snay has also mostly memorized the first eighteen lines of Chaucer’s “General Prologue” and will attempt to recite them if you bribe him with a beer.
Malnurtured Snay enjoys creating new words by combining popular swear words with other descriptive words which might or might not be adjectives. ‘Asstastic’ is a current favorite. (Sometimes, Malnurtured Snay’s cursing ability lead him to believe he should have persued a career in the Navy).
Malnurtured Snay is employed as a DELIVERATOR, but feels no particular need to elaborate further upon that, except that he clearly hates it or he wouldn’t be going back to school, now would he?
Malnurtured Snay’s favorite bar is Dizzy Issie’s, located in Baltimore’s Remington neighborhood, but he only goes two or three times a year (because Malnurtured Snay is a looser who loaths himself for spelling ‘loser’ wrong). Malnurtured Snay is a fan of Cider and Bass Ale, and got drunk for the first time two days before his twenty-first birthday.
Malnurtured Snay has an irrational fear of being photographed while not holding a beer bottle in front of his face. This paragraph is a complete lie and Malnurtured Snay might just find an actual photo of himself to upload at some future point.
Malnurtured Snay is a die-hard JEEP WRANGLER fan, even though he sold his in 2003. He hopes to buy another WRANGLER down the line, and is just crazy enough to take the doors off and the top down (even if it will be the middle of January).
Malnurtured Snay’s typing technique is a bastardized version of ‘hunt and peck’, except he uses his middle fingers (asked, Malnurtured Snay will remark that exercise of his middle fingers is neccessary for negotiating Hunt Valley traffic patterns). An observer of this typing technique remarked, ‘for typing with your middle fingers, you type hellaciously fast.’ 100 wpm, to be hellaciously precise.
Malnurtured Snay has no idea how to work an iPOD (and wouldn’t buy one if he did) and thus enjoys nearly anything he listens to on JACK 102.7. Malnurtured Snay thinks MUSE’s “KNIGHTS OF CYDONIA” is a badastic song, and hates MySpace users who have their music options set to play automatically.
Malnurtured Snay loves Limewire and Winamp. Although Malnurtured Snay is not gay, his favorite rendition of “Battle Hymn of the Republic” is Judy Garland’s.
Malnurtured Snay would like to claim that his taste in movies is wide and varied between genres and subgenres, but really, when you analyze his taste, it is very simple: Malnurtured Snay likes good movies.
Malnurtured Snay won’t admit to dancing during the jukebox scene in SHAUN OF THE DEAD (but he does!), and also enjoys MASTER AND COMMANDER: THE FAR SIDE OF THE WORLD, the original STAR WARS trilogy, INDIANA JONES, and HIGHLANDER. Malnurtured Snay also loved the recent John Sayle’s film SILVER CITY, and attended an opening-night screening of SNAKES ON A PLANE.
Malnurtured Snay detested PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN DEAD MAN’S CHEST, and often wonders why perfectly good films need sequels. Malnurtured Snay anticipated seeing the Michael Apted documentary “49-Up!” at The Charles Theater at some point last fall, but because it didn’t show there, had to wait for DVD.
Malnurtured Snay firmly believes that the release of TV shows on DVD is the best invention since sliced bread, even if his favorite foodstuff is actually skim milk. Current favorites include LOST, THE WIRE, and the new BATTLESTAR GALACTICA, and Malnurtured Snay may or may not own the complete STAR TREK DEEP SPACE NINE on DVD.
Other favorite television programs of Malnurtured Snay’s include (in no particular order, and certainly not alphabetical) such diverse choices as FUTURAMA, the classic STAR TREK, HOMICIDE: LIFE ON THE STREET, HIGHLANDER, DAVINCI’S INQUEST, HILL STREET BLUES, FIREFLY, THE SOPRANOS, and “the terror that quacks in the night”, DARKWING DUCK.
Malnurtured Snay devours books like the Wampa Hoth monster devours lost Rebel scouts. Once a year he drives to IKEA to buy a bookshelf to house his rapidly expanding collection of deceased processed- woodland.
Select favorite books (”of all time”) include David Simon’s non-fiction “Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets”; John Irving’s “The Hotel New Hampshire” and “A Prayer for Owen Meaney”; Joseph Heller’s “Catch-22?; and William Manchester’s ill-cut-short epic biography of Winston Churchill, “The Last Lion.”
Malnurtured Snay’s hero is Han Solo, but not wimpy Special Edition Han Solo who waits for Greedo to shoot first.
Malnurtured Snay is a firm believer in the saying “brevity is the soul of wit”, but does not feel it pertains either to him or to his MySpace profile, which he has spent way too much time writing. If you’ve read this entire thing, Malnurtured Snay probably thinks you’ve got too much time on your hands. If you’re thinking, “Oh yeah? Whoever wrote this has too much time on their hands!” you would be absolutely correct.
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